yine ve gercekten yazabilmeyi isterim. belki olur da..
ama su anda, ne yazi ne cizi ne is ne guc ne de zaman..
bir tek o var aklimda. nazim'in gunese cikmasi gibi ben de ciksam onun yanina, otursam.
yazmaya malzeme bile olmuyor bu hal, bu tasa. cunku ne sevda demek istiyorum, ne ozlem, ne de o bu. sozcukler sozcuk kaliyor icimdeki bosluga vurunca.
mutlaka olur bir baskasi, zaman meselesi. biliyorum. her seyi kaybetmek isten degil. biliyorum. yine de, onca malzemeye ragmen, yazamiyorum, diyemiyorum.
cikan anca "olmasan da olur, bak oluyor. ama ne olur ol..."
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
yet another monday
i really hate mondays. and how is it that although we are at the end of april, my nose gets cold in the flat when I wake up?
I did collect some material, I will start the playlists again.
I did collect some material, I will start the playlists again.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
sad spam
Unapproachable i stare
For you my anguished heart despairs
There's nothing but sadness in the air
I reach out for you but you're not here
Or anywhere
Just sorrow left to bear
Unavoidable you say
There's too much pain for you to stay
And nothing we had remains the same
They say that everything must change
Even so
We can always start
Over from zero
And we'll be closer than
The rhythm of our hearts
For you my anguished heart despairs
There's nothing but sadness in the air
I reach out for you but you're not here
Or anywhere
Just sorrow left to bear
Unavoidable you say
There's too much pain for you to stay
And nothing we had remains the same
They say that everything must change
Even so
We can always start
Over from zero
And we'll be closer than
The rhythm of our hearts
very true
Med kroppen mot jorden
och blicken i det eviga blå
är jag bortom tankarna och orden
där finns inget jag måste förstå
utom att kroppen är tung mot vår mark
att himlen är blå
och jag är lycklig och stark
med kroppen och jorden
finns det inget jag måste förstå
Jag trodde sanningen kanske fanns i en bok
jag hade fel så jag sökte runt hela jordens klot
jag irrade kring efter färdiga svar
jag gjorde allt men det här är det enda svar jag har
att med kroppen mot jorden
och blicken i det eviga blå
är jag bortom tankarna och orden
där finns inget jag måste förstå
utom att kroppen är tung mot vår mark
att himlen är blå
och jag är lycklig och stark
med kroppen mot jorden
finns det inget jag måste förstå
Jag trodde lyckan nås genom vånda och slit
jag offrade svett och tårar för att finna vägen dit
jag irrade kring efter färdiga svar
jag gjorde allt men det här är det enda svar jag har
att med kroppen mot jorden
och blicken i det eviga blå
är jag bortom tankarna och orden
där finns inget jag måste förstå
utom att kroppen är tung mot vår mark
att himlen är blå
och jag är lycklig och stark
med kroppen mot jorden
finns det inget jag måste förstå
nej, där finns inget jag måste förstå
där finns inget jag måste förstå
och blicken i det eviga blå
är jag bortom tankarna och orden
där finns inget jag måste förstå
utom att kroppen är tung mot vår mark
att himlen är blå
och jag är lycklig och stark
med kroppen och jorden
finns det inget jag måste förstå
Jag trodde sanningen kanske fanns i en bok
jag hade fel så jag sökte runt hela jordens klot
jag irrade kring efter färdiga svar
jag gjorde allt men det här är det enda svar jag har
att med kroppen mot jorden
och blicken i det eviga blå
är jag bortom tankarna och orden
där finns inget jag måste förstå
utom att kroppen är tung mot vår mark
att himlen är blå
och jag är lycklig och stark
med kroppen mot jorden
finns det inget jag måste förstå
Jag trodde lyckan nås genom vånda och slit
jag offrade svett och tårar för att finna vägen dit
jag irrade kring efter färdiga svar
jag gjorde allt men det här är det enda svar jag har
att med kroppen mot jorden
och blicken i det eviga blå
är jag bortom tankarna och orden
där finns inget jag måste förstå
utom att kroppen är tung mot vår mark
att himlen är blå
och jag är lycklig och stark
med kroppen mot jorden
finns det inget jag måste förstå
nej, där finns inget jag måste förstå
där finns inget jag måste förstå
In the silence of my mind
I can see our love was just a line
To a grasp of air
That's nowhere
And while i wait for love's embrace
My life is but a race
Since you're gone now
All my light is left to waste
I never learned the rule
That love can be so cruel
When it's over and done
Now i can't believe
That what they say is true
How love can be renewed
Because once it's abused
Then it's through
There's no laughter in your smile
And all that's left are shadows in my mind
Of a different place
And your face
And in the quiet of my heart
The sadness lingers on
Now i just have a different point of view
Since you've been gone
I can see our love was just a line
To a grasp of air
That's nowhere
And while i wait for love's embrace
My life is but a race
Since you're gone now
All my light is left to waste
I never learned the rule
That love can be so cruel
When it's over and done
Now i can't believe
That what they say is true
How love can be renewed
Because once it's abused
Then it's through
There's no laughter in your smile
And all that's left are shadows in my mind
Of a different place
And your face
And in the quiet of my heart
The sadness lingers on
Now i just have a different point of view
Since you've been gone
It shouldn't be this difficult
I mean I want to blame myself on being slow but come on. Here I am at 12:46, trying to deploy database config environment which will enable me to connect to ALL the databases I need provided I have permissions. Yes, you hear right, so if I do not have this correctly installed, I can not connect to some DBs although I have permissions. I mean what is this?
But alas, at last I got to the DB I needed. Phew! And this took like an hour in total with my first efforts. Poff!
I have to try some other things now. Like.. scheduling the goddamn stuff with Cron. Making sure my super unit test is working. All I want is some sleep and walking outside. I really miss walking outside. Wasn't that why I moved to Seattle? Hmmmmm...
But alas, at last I got to the DB I needed. Phew! And this took like an hour in total with my first efforts. Poff!
I have to try some other things now. Like.. scheduling the goddamn stuff with Cron. Making sure my super unit test is working. All I want is some sleep and walking outside. I really miss walking outside. Wasn't that why I moved to Seattle? Hmmmmm...
Yes
With the way of thinking mentioned in the previous post, songs have less effect. It is working!
I wonder will life become less joyous?
I wonder will life become less joyous?
Be a man!
That is what I say to myself. Because after watching Nana (the anime), I realized we are girls after all. Not because we dedicate our lives to ordering clothes online, checking boots everywhere and following fashion magazines; because we assume our lives with men.
I have always been fairly independent, and quite good at entertaining myself. But the truth is I assumed the existence of a man, at least in the future. Always there was a male assumption in my heart of hearts. I am talking to my mother on it endlessly but the truth just hits me. I am no different. I always say, "I accept the risk that K can leave me anyday", yet this is not acceptance of his not being there for me that I am talking about. It is the acceptance of the challange that this will bring on. I will take the challenge and play it out for all to see that I can make it even without him and that I had always expected this.
The truth is that I would not accept it. Not deep inside. And I would always feel half or 3/4ths without him. It should not be so and there lies the real matter. It just should be that we feel whole by ourselves and miss the other person, simply because they are someone we have a good time with. Not because we feel partially lost without them.
Why have I been like this and never even realized it? When I was alone, I was forced to loneliness. It is not that I really chose it, although I always claimed otherwise. And it was clearly this that drove me to U. To have someone.
I should persuade myself that I do well enough by my self. Because I do not want to try to do this when that someone is already gone. Then I will have other worries, problems. I will have objects and places and everything else that remains.
This should be a new project for me. I may not be perfect, but I should be good enough... for myself.
I have always been fairly independent, and quite good at entertaining myself. But the truth is I assumed the existence of a man, at least in the future. Always there was a male assumption in my heart of hearts. I am talking to my mother on it endlessly but the truth just hits me. I am no different. I always say, "I accept the risk that K can leave me anyday", yet this is not acceptance of his not being there for me that I am talking about. It is the acceptance of the challange that this will bring on. I will take the challenge and play it out for all to see that I can make it even without him and that I had always expected this.
The truth is that I would not accept it. Not deep inside. And I would always feel half or 3/4ths without him. It should not be so and there lies the real matter. It just should be that we feel whole by ourselves and miss the other person, simply because they are someone we have a good time with. Not because we feel partially lost without them.
Why have I been like this and never even realized it? When I was alone, I was forced to loneliness. It is not that I really chose it, although I always claimed otherwise. And it was clearly this that drove me to U. To have someone.
I should persuade myself that I do well enough by my self. Because I do not want to try to do this when that someone is already gone. Then I will have other worries, problems. I will have objects and places and everything else that remains.
This should be a new project for me. I may not be perfect, but I should be good enough... for myself.
Tired
Really. Somehow I keep pushing myself. I had promised to start as soon as I got home. Then it became, dinner and 3 animes. Ok so far, that made it 9:30. Then taking a shower it became somehow 11. Looking around and being bored made it 12:00. I am no good at this.
What else? The flat is full of boots and I ordered 2 more. I have to choose one. And it is so complicated. Luxury is so complicated that it pushes us to a whole vacant life.
What else? The flat is full of boots and I ordered 2 more. I have to choose one. And it is so complicated. Luxury is so complicated that it pushes us to a whole vacant life.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
komigim
yani habire sacma sapan seylerle doldurmiyim burayi kalan cool'lugum da zedelenmesin diyorum. ama halim oyle komik ki kesin yazmam lazim.
facebook ve gmail acmadi. onlari bitirdim. en vahimi de cok tehlikeli saatlere yaklasiyorum. artik kahvenin de kesmedigi zamanlar bunlar ki evde kahve yok. birader madem kac gundur sabahliyorsun lan nasil kahven olmaz?
neyse, bir taraftan da habire ingiltere saatini hesapliyorum. ben salaklari isleri kolay yapmak ofis icinde halletmek varken londradaki ekibe musallat olup onlardan ricada bulundum. manyak miyim neyim ya. bu durumda bana uyku yok.
zaten ne zaman "ya birazcik uzanayim sonra devam edeyim" diye gitsem kesinlikle kalkamiyorum. dun muthistim yalniz. alarmin calmasiyla programimdaki paketlerin versiyonlari arasinda bir baglanti olduguna kesin emindim. hala da suphelerim var bu konuda, o kadar islemis icime nasil bi dusunceyse. tam yataga gitmeden once package group ekleyince boyle oluyorsun.
facebook ve gmail acmadi. onlari bitirdim. en vahimi de cok tehlikeli saatlere yaklasiyorum. artik kahvenin de kesmedigi zamanlar bunlar ki evde kahve yok. birader madem kac gundur sabahliyorsun lan nasil kahven olmaz?
neyse, bir taraftan da habire ingiltere saatini hesapliyorum. ben salaklari isleri kolay yapmak ofis icinde halletmek varken londradaki ekibe musallat olup onlardan ricada bulundum. manyak miyim neyim ya. bu durumda bana uyku yok.
zaten ne zaman "ya birazcik uzanayim sonra devam edeyim" diye gitsem kesinlikle kalkamiyorum. dun muthistim yalniz. alarmin calmasiyla programimdaki paketlerin versiyonlari arasinda bir baglanti olduguna kesin emindim. hala da suphelerim var bu konuda, o kadar islemis icime nasil bi dusunceyse. tam yataga gitmeden once package group ekleyince boyle oluyorsun.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Batil Inanclar
Bu iyi yil kotu yil dongusune inancim gibi baska bir batil inancim daha var. Bu hatta digerinden daha cok denenebildiginden bayagi tirsiyorum aslinda.
Olay cok basit. Ne zaman bir konuya ciddi yatirim yapsam bir sekilde o seyi yapmiyorum ve ya yapamiyorum sonrasinda. Ornegin, tam duzenli spor yapmaya baslar mesela yeni spor malzemesi alirim, 1-2 kere kullanilir o yeni ciciler, sonra bir sekilde zaman olmaz spor yapmaya. Yoga minderi almistim en son Dubaide, dememe kalmadi gorusmeler, seyahatler basladi, bir daha da acamadim kendisini.
Ornekler cok. Tam hayatimda ilk kez ev duzdum (Isvec'te), 2 ay gecmedi Dubai'ye tasindim. Bundan ders aldim aslinda. Asla ev duzme. Hakkaten de bana gore degil henuz bu ev duzme olayi.
Ilginctir, is hayatimda cok farkli olmadi. Bilim ilim insani olur olmaz bilim dunyasindan ciktim. Tabi bu bilincli bir secimdi, yine de kosullar daha farkli olsaydi devam da edebilirdim. Sonra tam consultant tadina gelmistim, gomleklerle doldurmustum gardirobu, kendime takim bile diktirmistim (bir kere bile giyemedim!) is olmadi hadi geldim developer oldum. Bu kismi tam hey guzel yarabbim seklinde. Dusunuyorum, mezun olduktan sonra yaptigim 3. meslek bu. Hepsi bir sekilde birbiriyle ayni meslek grubu altinda olsa da hicbirinin birbiriyle ilgisi alakasi yok. Neyse, bu konudaki dusuncem biraz daha umutlu aslinda. Nasil olsa yaslaniyorum. Bundan sonra bu 3unden birini yapmaya devam ederim artik 4. bir seye gecmem (herhalde).
O degil de.. Bu batil inanc yuzunden burada kalmami bir sekilde engeller, fairplay olmaz diye ne bot alabildim, ne trenckot (turkcesi ne ya bunun?), ne de eve 2. bir lamba alabiliyorum cesaret edip. Saksida cicek bile almadim. Isvecte 5 yil oyle yasadiydim, eve baz disinda bir sey almayarak, fena mi oldu, sayesinde 5 yil kaldim orda. Dubai'de ne oldu ama? her tarafimi yazlik cici bici, ve acik ayakkabilarla doldurdum; al burdayim!
Bekliyorum bi 6 ay olsun, gidisat aciklik kazansin diye, ama salonun yarisi karanlik, o kismi anca bir kac kez gorebildim. Ise giyilebilecek bir tane botum var, o da kisa. Kisa ceketim ise yika yika temizlenmiyor. Paltom 10 yillik gibi duruyor.
Bak bak, Ozan'a da yemek ismarliyacagim ise alinirsam orda dediydim, hala almadim. Kovulursam sebebi kesin bu olacak! (3. batil inanc)
Olay cok basit. Ne zaman bir konuya ciddi yatirim yapsam bir sekilde o seyi yapmiyorum ve ya yapamiyorum sonrasinda. Ornegin, tam duzenli spor yapmaya baslar mesela yeni spor malzemesi alirim, 1-2 kere kullanilir o yeni ciciler, sonra bir sekilde zaman olmaz spor yapmaya. Yoga minderi almistim en son Dubaide, dememe kalmadi gorusmeler, seyahatler basladi, bir daha da acamadim kendisini.
Ornekler cok. Tam hayatimda ilk kez ev duzdum (Isvec'te), 2 ay gecmedi Dubai'ye tasindim. Bundan ders aldim aslinda. Asla ev duzme. Hakkaten de bana gore degil henuz bu ev duzme olayi.
Ilginctir, is hayatimda cok farkli olmadi. Bilim ilim insani olur olmaz bilim dunyasindan ciktim. Tabi bu bilincli bir secimdi, yine de kosullar daha farkli olsaydi devam da edebilirdim. Sonra tam consultant tadina gelmistim, gomleklerle doldurmustum gardirobu, kendime takim bile diktirmistim (bir kere bile giyemedim!) is olmadi hadi geldim developer oldum. Bu kismi tam hey guzel yarabbim seklinde. Dusunuyorum, mezun olduktan sonra yaptigim 3. meslek bu. Hepsi bir sekilde birbiriyle ayni meslek grubu altinda olsa da hicbirinin birbiriyle ilgisi alakasi yok. Neyse, bu konudaki dusuncem biraz daha umutlu aslinda. Nasil olsa yaslaniyorum. Bundan sonra bu 3unden birini yapmaya devam ederim artik 4. bir seye gecmem (herhalde).
O degil de.. Bu batil inanc yuzunden burada kalmami bir sekilde engeller, fairplay olmaz diye ne bot alabildim, ne trenckot (turkcesi ne ya bunun?), ne de eve 2. bir lamba alabiliyorum cesaret edip. Saksida cicek bile almadim. Isvecte 5 yil oyle yasadiydim, eve baz disinda bir sey almayarak, fena mi oldu, sayesinde 5 yil kaldim orda. Dubai'de ne oldu ama? her tarafimi yazlik cici bici, ve acik ayakkabilarla doldurdum; al burdayim!
Bekliyorum bi 6 ay olsun, gidisat aciklik kazansin diye, ama salonun yarisi karanlik, o kismi anca bir kac kez gorebildim. Ise giyilebilecek bir tane botum var, o da kisa. Kisa ceketim ise yika yika temizlenmiyor. Paltom 10 yillik gibi duruyor.
Bak bak, Ozan'a da yemek ismarliyacagim ise alinirsam orda dediydim, hala almadim. Kovulursam sebebi kesin bu olacak! (3. batil inanc)
bi sey bi sey olali bir sey tuttu
diye bir laf vardi. kendisini andim.
simdi uyuyacagim. sabah icecek kahvem de yok. amma 3:30 kalkmak durumundayim.
ondan once bir liste yapayim da gozum korksun, yoksa imkanli degil kalkmam.
ehems, bu hizda bayagi bir sey olurum :)
simdi uyuyacagim. sabah icecek kahvem de yok. amma 3:30 kalkmak durumundayim.
ondan once bir liste yapayim da gozum korksun, yoksa imkanli degil kalkmam.
ehems, bu hizda bayagi bir sey olurum :)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The awesome me of the past
I have read my old blog again ( and somehow this need only arises when I am to stay up to work all night) and I have to say I am impressed. I have written darn well at times. It also helps my memory since I don't remember half of the things the next time I read them.
So my days in the States are passing. And I have not done much. Drove quite a bit, checked out shoes online, watched a lot of Netflix. That is all.
Otherwise, I am having a classical student life. Messy home, wine on the floor AND the couch. Never eats on the table (why did I buy it??) and most of all studying. reading a zirillion wiki pages a day without really understanding anything in full. But "getting an idea". Doing all nighters. All dayers I did not even do when I was a student.
So my days in the States are passing. And I have not done much. Drove quite a bit, checked out shoes online, watched a lot of Netflix. That is all.
Otherwise, I am having a classical student life. Messy home, wine on the floor AND the couch. Never eats on the table (why did I buy it??) and most of all studying. reading a zirillion wiki pages a day without really understanding anything in full. But "getting an idea". Doing all nighters. All dayers I did not even do when I was a student.
Good years bad years
I always had a theory that I have good years and bad years, alternating. But not necessarily one by one.
For instance, junior high was really bad. Prep year was ok, the rest was totally awful. And then high school was, well I don't know lifewise it was fantastic, academicwise it was hell. Last year of high school was vice versa.
Then university first year was pretty good, surprisingly good.
Second was bad.
Third was really great.
Fourth I don't remember.
Then first 3 years of ph.d. were pretty bad. Then it got better and better until I finally finished.
And then Dubai was luxury. 9 to 6 was a pretty good shift. (Though I was getting paid half of this)
Now I am here. Another bad year is in store. But thankfully K is not suffering with me as he is not the suffering kind. And because I would much rather suffer alone than drag him to my fate. From what I judge, it will be 2 bad years, and maybe more. Because it will definitely take me 2 years to catch up. And it always happens like that to me. It takes a while. I always thought that was because I went to school early. That accounts for one year and the other year is due to my dumbness.
This is it! I should have gone to school late instead of early! Then I could be absolutely the greatest student. Just like the guy in our prep class in junior high. He was repeating prep year. And thanks to him we could communicate with the ultra lovely Mrs. Just.
Problem is I don't think they give you 2 years in this workplace. 1 maybe. Just maybe.
Not to close on a bad note, I have some prospects for action in Seattle.
And on the 2nd day that I am taking the night head on with programming, I understand that I can not start before 22:30. And we will see just how far I will manage to go. The last my stupid script was not running since it could not find anything.
For instance, junior high was really bad. Prep year was ok, the rest was totally awful. And then high school was, well I don't know lifewise it was fantastic, academicwise it was hell. Last year of high school was vice versa.
Then university first year was pretty good, surprisingly good.
Second was bad.
Third was really great.
Fourth I don't remember.
Then first 3 years of ph.d. were pretty bad. Then it got better and better until I finally finished.
And then Dubai was luxury. 9 to 6 was a pretty good shift. (Though I was getting paid half of this)
Now I am here. Another bad year is in store. But thankfully K is not suffering with me as he is not the suffering kind. And because I would much rather suffer alone than drag him to my fate. From what I judge, it will be 2 bad years, and maybe more. Because it will definitely take me 2 years to catch up. And it always happens like that to me. It takes a while. I always thought that was because I went to school early. That accounts for one year and the other year is due to my dumbness.
This is it! I should have gone to school late instead of early! Then I could be absolutely the greatest student. Just like the guy in our prep class in junior high. He was repeating prep year. And thanks to him we could communicate with the ultra lovely Mrs. Just.
Problem is I don't think they give you 2 years in this workplace. 1 maybe. Just maybe.
Not to close on a bad note, I have some prospects for action in Seattle.
And on the 2nd day that I am taking the night head on with programming, I understand that I can not start before 22:30. And we will see just how far I will manage to go. The last my stupid script was not running since it could not find anything.
sabahlarken
genelde sabahlarken insan der ki "herkesler uyuyor, dunyada tek kalmis gibiyim", bense "en sonunda herkesle ayni time zone'da yasiyorum"
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Vazgec gonul
Etme beyhude figan vazgec gonul
Gel bu sevdadan heman vazgec gonul
Olmasin halin yaman vazgec gonul
Gel bu sevdadan heman vazgec gonul
Gel bu sevdadan heman vazgec gonul
Olmasin halin yaman vazgec gonul
Gel bu sevdadan heman vazgec gonul
I have always pointed out that my sins are pride and jealousy. Somehow, they go very well together in my altogether broken character. I was thinking today of Kurt Cobain. He was from Seattle, was he not? He has this great quote that I can not copy paste right now. Because of stupid explorer.
Anyway, my only hope also feels like being someone else.
Maybe I should just walk away and be someone else. Why is it the hardest of all deeds to be someone else? Of all the things I have managed to get in life: a beautiful husband, great family, money, decent jobs, success (?) which look so shiny and great from the outside, I seem to lack one thing that stops me from enjoying these.
Or rather two?
I am negative.
I can not attain balance in life.
According to me, I have just painted life in a bunch of quick, careless strokes. I get away with this simply because of luck and because of the speed of the strokes. But the brush is getting old. The canvas is a mess when looked closely, the mess is apparent.
For instance, I get addicted quickly.
I get bored very quickly and absolutely lack any consistency and devotion.
I am extremely selfish, to the point of my grandmother.
I am too inward, way too inward. I absolutely lack confidence.
I don't know what I want and even I do, I am too tired always to get it.
And I whine and whine.
Yes, the mess is apparent. And instead of fixing it, I will quickly jump on to some other new stroke. That is what I do. Pretend that I have not found what I am looking for yet. That I am the eternal searcher. But guess what girl? It is YOU. You are the faulty thing, not each and every choice you make. You should get on your knees and WORK for the amazing life opportunities that you have been so graciously granted. WORK.
With this I go back to my original plan. I should have started working at 20:30. Instead it is 22:30. And still all I managed to do is connect to VPN. What I am doing is complaining on my blog. Seriously, why am I like this?
Anyway, my only hope also feels like being someone else.
Maybe I should just walk away and be someone else. Why is it the hardest of all deeds to be someone else? Of all the things I have managed to get in life: a beautiful husband, great family, money, decent jobs, success (?) which look so shiny and great from the outside, I seem to lack one thing that stops me from enjoying these.
Or rather two?
I am negative.
I can not attain balance in life.
According to me, I have just painted life in a bunch of quick, careless strokes. I get away with this simply because of luck and because of the speed of the strokes. But the brush is getting old. The canvas is a mess when looked closely, the mess is apparent.
For instance, I get addicted quickly.
I get bored very quickly and absolutely lack any consistency and devotion.
I am extremely selfish, to the point of my grandmother.
I am too inward, way too inward. I absolutely lack confidence.
I don't know what I want and even I do, I am too tired always to get it.
And I whine and whine.
Yes, the mess is apparent. And instead of fixing it, I will quickly jump on to some other new stroke. That is what I do. Pretend that I have not found what I am looking for yet. That I am the eternal searcher. But guess what girl? It is YOU. You are the faulty thing, not each and every choice you make. You should get on your knees and WORK for the amazing life opportunities that you have been so graciously granted. WORK.
With this I go back to my original plan. I should have started working at 20:30. Instead it is 22:30. And still all I managed to do is connect to VPN. What I am doing is complaining on my blog. Seriously, why am I like this?
Monday, April 11, 2011
yahya kemal
ŞARKI
Geçtim yine dün eski hazan bahçelerinden!
Üzgün ve kırılmış gibi en ince yerinden,
Geçtim yine dün eski hazan bahçelerinden!
Senden boşalan bağrıma göz yaşları dolmuş!
Gördüm ki yazın bastığımız otlar solmuş.
Son demde bu mevsim gibi benzimde kül olmuş.
Geçtim yine dün eski hazan bahçelerinden
TERCİH
Hattâ ne de ukbâda saadet dileriz
Aşkın gül açan bülbül öten vaktinde
Yaranla tarab yâr ile vuslat dileriz.
Alintilar
Begendigim seyleri alintilamaya bayiliyorum. Kitaptaki arkaplandan cikarildiginda anlami kalan nesir deyme romanlar kadar saygi duydugum bir edebi olgu nedense. Zamaninda cok guzel duzenlenmis bir sayfa bulmustum. Kaybettim. Oyle bir arayis icindeyim hala. Belki de film izlemeye usenip dizi izlemek gibi bir seydir bu. Cunku aylardir kitap okumadim.
Bu arada su sayfayi buldum. Iste Ece Temelkuran alintisi.
Bu arada su sayfayi buldum. Iste Ece Temelkuran alintisi.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Amazon Cloud Player
Very well done. I have bought NAzan Oncel'e album and really enjoying it. Too bad they have limited Turkish albums. Now I have like 20GB of space to fill, but it does not accept wma so I should work on converting my CDs to mp3 now. Long live competition(!)
Otherwise, I am tired. I have been waking up at around 7 this week I think every day. Still the bulk of the thing is not done. And I have my tickets hanging around as well. I am VERY late. Anyway, I can hang around until I get fired and be one of the first to be fired.
Otherwise, I am tired. I have been waking up at around 7 this week I think every day. Still the bulk of the thing is not done. And I have my tickets hanging around as well. I am VERY late. Anyway, I can hang around until I get fired and be one of the first to be fired.
My new anime days
Maid is my new favorite. What a guy! They are just like me and K. :D Love it.
Here is a pic of them from Wikipedia. The references are pretty wild. And although it does go through the usual high school team, there is something genuine about it. And it is super fun.
So now I want to do Ayuzawa for the cosplay and I have to find a maid costume. If I find any time..
Monday, April 4, 2011
Weekends
Watch some series (Requiem for a phantom, 30 Rock bla)
Sleep
Fetch car
Drive
Go to mall, shop
Drive
Watch others drive
Go to gym
Do nails
Tidy apartment
Sleep
Go to gym
Tidy apartment
Drive
Watch others drive
Leave car
Cook
Sleep
Sleep
Fetch car
Drive
Go to mall, shop
Drive
Watch others drive
Go to gym
Do nails
Tidy apartment
Sleep
Go to gym
Tidy apartment
Drive
Watch others drive
Leave car
Cook
Sleep
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)