Monday, May 30, 2011

Slims which are not slim and other nicotine stories

Now I realized that lately all I have done here is complain. This post however will be to inform and educate my readers on... acquiring nicotine in US.

I am just back from Walgreens buying 2 packs of Virginia Slims, Menthol. I went there a couple of times in the last few weeks and am almost positive that their Davidoff slim supplies are gone. In any case, it is a bother to try to communicate with the nice ladies at the counter to get them. (Maybe I am pronouncing Davidoff in a German fashion) Therefore, I decided this time to try out something more traditional (a.k.a. American).

My favorite lady, who actually remembered my Davidoff preference (do not ask me how) was not there. So I went for the Virginia Slims just because they were higher on the shelf and with glasses on that was the only brand I could really make out except the usual Malboro and Camel. I payed a good 16$ for 2 packs. I came home and.. they are NOT slim. My loving greetings to PM.

I do get irritated paying 16$ for 2 packs. This makes roughly 8x3.5=28AED and 56SEK. I think even in Europe cigarettes cost 45SEK. Besides in UAE, they were max 10AED. Ahh the good old days.

Why am I suddenly talking about cigarettes? What happened to the happy occasion of snus? Well, I have had problems acquiring that in USA. I use General Mini Portions Mint. Snus options are of utmost sensitivity. You can not just go with some other brand or size or taste. It ruins everything. And snus being particularly Swedish, the options over the counter stay quite minimal. Though I have to say I feel grateful I found General -imported from Sweden- in big portions and wintergreen-, after a few months at a store directly diagonal from my place.

To import snus online for those who require particular preference, there are 2 options. Rather 2 sites. One is the swedish site and one is the american site. Both are called swedishsnus.com but one has a "-" somewhere there. It is not so straightforward though. The building I live in also contains a hotel. Because of this (I guess) i can not be verified to be an adult and could not order from the American site. Same goes for the Swedish. I did make one order from the Swedish site to a friend's place when I was in need 2 months ago. But I was aware that I could not use this route all the time. I did get myself verified manually by opening a ticket to the American site's customer service.

The American site did verify me by taking a copy of my passport. But they wanted 240$ for 30 packs. While I had payed, when I ordered the stuff to my friend's place, something like 100$ for 20 packs including the shipping from Sweden. The difference is due to a 90$ tobacco tax on the first order. How come the second order does not include this I have no way of knowing.

Alas, I have 39 more non-slims to go through and am thinking that maybe I should exchange the other package for some real slims. Otherwise, just happy to inform my readers how thinks work and how much they cost.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

her gece hayatimi kokunden degistirmek icin planlar yapiyorum. bir de uygulasam cok iyi olacak!

surekli kendimi ya odullendiriyorum, ya cezalandiriyorum. boyle bir donguye girdim. zevk icin yiyorum (aslinda cok zevk alarak degil, oyle olsa kilo almam mesela) sonra buna kizip bir sekilde kendimi cezamandiriyorum. mesela koltuga iliserek oturuyorum. suclu suclu, rahat etmeden. kanepede uyuyorum. cok calisiyorum, sonra gelip surekli bir seyler izliyorum. aslinda evde acilen yapilmasi gerekenler var. dengem yok.

hayatim hakkinda cok salagim aslinda onun farkindayim. mesela en gerekli sey gunes gormemken, hem cok gec yatiyorum, hem de sabah saatlerce hazirlaniyorum disari cikmadan. oysa ne gerek var. bi gunes al, sonra vitrinini hazirla.

hayat boyle olmamali. daha gercek seylerin uzerine kurulmali hayat. buna kiziyorum aslinda. kimse hobi olsun diye sevdigi herkesi arkada birakip baska bir yere gitmiyor. ben manyak miyim? sanirim kendime surekli kiziyorum, icimden gelenin, dogru olanin dahasi, baska bir sey oldugunu bildigim halde hala burda olmama kiziyorum. onun icin cezalandiyorum kendimi. kendimi kendimden nefret ettirmek icin kilo almak gibi yollar ariyorum.

dusundum, hayatta gercekten istediklerimi yapmiyorum. bu da bu zevk-ceza olayina ekliyor. yurumek istiyorum aslinda. uzun uzun ve amacsiz. sadece dusunerek, duyarak, izleyerek yurumek. oysa haftasonlari alisverisle falan geciyor arkadaslar olunca. al, daha cok al. almanin kendisi kotu degil, tuketim vs. bunlar degil mesele. mesele benim istedigimin gercekte bu olmamasi. ve de bu konuda hicbir sey yapmamam.

yurumeyi istiyorum da... bahanem var biraz da. ya bu sehir hic mi isinmaz, hic mi kurumaz. insaf! mayis oldu artik. ise giderken ve gelirken yurunebiliyor. o da bilmiyorum bu yagmurla ne kadar mumkun olacak pazartesi. neyse, giderken stres oluyor. ne kadar erken kalkarsan kalk yeterince erken degil. donerken yarim saat yuruyorum, tamam. hepsi o.

gece yuruyemezsin, tirsarsin tek basina. yuruyen bir arkadasim da yok o anlamda. yuruncek pek yer de yok. burasi guzel sulak guya. ama limandan dolayi pek bir sayfiye yeri yok su kenarinda. her yer izbe, cunku baska yuruyen yok. ve de her taraf akil hastasi dolu. bu kadar akil hastasinin oldugu yerde, sokakta olan bir cok seye normal gozuyle bakiyorsun. basima bir sey gelse kimsenin haberi olmaz.

nerden nereye... evet bir kac planim var dogrusu. bunlardan biri tutsa, ah biri tutsa!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Baskalasmak istiyorum, bu hayat olmadi bir dahaki
Bir dahakinde daha cok kullansam insanlari diyorum
Kendi mutluluguma baksam ama baska bir acidan
Yani simdi de bakiyorum da, biraz daha acik acik baksam
Sonra baskalarinin mutluluguna baksam
Daha cok calissam ama bir ise yarasa
Ne yaptigimi bilsem hic olmazsa, neden yaptigimi
Daha yavas buyusem, lisede liseli gibi olsam,
ortaokulu sacma sapan gecirmesem
Daha cok muzik dinlesem o hayatta
Daha cok yuzsem/kossam, daha cok daha fazla oynasam
Ve daha fazla flort etsem, arkamdan konussalar
Uzulmesem cozemeyecegim seylere
Kardesimle bir evde yasasam, soyle butun bir yil
Esas derdim ne yemek yapacagim olsa yine bir yil kadar
Daha cok hayal kursam, hayallerde yasayip gercekleri unutmaya utanmasam

Diyorum
diyorum
baskalassam
Bu olmadi, bir dahakine baslasam
Ama sonra, once ve hep, sen geliyorsun aklima
Toprak Nazimin tek platonik sevdasiymis
Sen de benim platonik olmayan tek sevdamsin

26 gun 26 gun

Thursday, May 5, 2011

54->52

it is just 2 kilos and I should make it until 3 June. This gives me a good 29 days.

54

Yes I have reached 54. Again the same scenarios are unfolding. And yet I do not know why. it is not directly stress. it is just feeling insecure. I feel of following the problems in my psyche. probably as the greatest husband of all time pointed out, I should get a hobby.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

today today

Today felt seriously long. it may be because I do not have an immediate deadline. but I have so many deadlines next week that this should not be.
And right now my head is aching and I have only an hour left to explore a big big problem. I really should be working. I did a bunch of extracurricular activities today as well. I wrote to sis, I talked to krostif. Now Aysun is coming. Hmm.
I also looked at tickets which is not heavy work. Time passed and not so much concrete stuff happened. Head is aching.
What do I want? I want him. Actually not him but to have a life with him. Again.