demanding

Not that I am sorry for myself.

Yet I feel that life is demanding. Demanding for those who have the luxury of time and possession I guess.

Yet there it is. I look at myself, and I feel this huge body of demands pressing on me.

1. To be good-looking in every way possible. To be thin, with good skin.
2. To dress well and for occasion and to be sexy when it be and proper when in public and with style and all
3. The above to is nothing compared to... I was supposed to be a great theoretician, know all logic and all kinds of verification methods and proof tools
4. I am supposed to know all kinds of security things as I have certificates and I should have a career in something
5. I am supposed to know something about mobile phone security, after all I did a ph.d on that (or did I?)
6. And then I should know all about telecomm stuff, about PBXs, about agent applications and SS7 and SIP and RTP. I should definitely know ALL about Genesys. And some about Avaya at least.
7. AND I should know ALL ALL about programming languages, at least everything on Java and C++ (albeit I never had the time to really work on them to do a real industry type application) . Remember all types of algorithms, and data structures. Be expert on computer architecture and multithreading and databases.
   
8. At the same time, I should be able to do web stuff in the blink of an eye be it JSP, PHP, Ajax.. Throw in there some .NET stuff as well.

(Note that I did not put in anything about being social, doing sports etc. Tired of even writing on these.)

Thing is we as scholar people should be open-minded, good at learning and maintaining our minds in top shape; however, all I see is that my life is toiled away working at all kinds of times and not feeling at ease. Ever. What have I done seriously to deserve this?

The real problem I see in life is not doing things. But knowing what one should be doing at a particular time.