Lightness

Sitting by the side of the road, in Sweden, in summer, waiting for the buss. It's chilly and wet but light. It is green at the open landscape. Deers are hopping over the road. 

* I cry out of nowhere *

Somehow there is something I miss from then. Some feeling that is pure and absolute.. righteous. That I don't have to be any other place at the moment. That it is only right that I am there.  

Whatever I do, however much I try to relax, love, live, I haven't managed so far to get this feeling back. 

Here she is photo creds from: http://weknowyourdreams.com/gazelle.html

a decrease in friends

dear blog,

how unhappy I feel today. yet I had decided to take things with maturity and not to expect a straight line from life. thing is, 2 of my closes friends moved away and one is on business. there is no one left to call. so here I am.

there is no need to be unhappy. i have a job and i have a great husband. i just applied once more to my Sweden visa. A yearly occurrence, which is for the most part as smooth as can be.

I will now try, as directed by many many sources, to make a list for things that I am grateful for:

1.  Nick Cave - Red Right Hand 
2. Still thin, around 55kg. 
3. Sitting in office, with water and coffee
4. Peaky Blinders
5. Lasers

Golgesizler - Hasan Ali Toptas

"Bekledim de gerci; aynadan ve caddeden gecen otomobilllerin, insan suretlerinin, birbiriyle carpisip duran makas isiltilarinin, musluk duruslarinin, butun bunlari silip silip gecen bugulu duslerin ve imamin varliginin ortasinda hic kipirdamadan belki saatlerce oturdum. Oyle ki, biraz imamdim artik; berber dukkanindan sIkIntIlI bir yuzle cIkmIs, koy meydanina dogru yuruyordum. 
Golgem bu kez ardimdaydi tabi. topragin yuzunu alan egri bugru bicimiyle tipki ayi o"lu"su" gibi suruklenip geliyordu."