Eşdeğeriyle Yan

Eşdeğeriyle yan yana yürürken 
Cehennem sokağında birey olmak, 
Ve en inceldikten sonra 
İlkel sözcüklerle konuşmak seninle. 

Saat beş nalburları pencerelerden 
Madeni paralar gösteriyorlar, 
Yalnızlığı soruyorlar, yalnızlık, 
Bir ovanın düz oluşu gibi bir şey. 

Hiç bir şeyim yok akıp giden sokaktan başka 
Keşke yalnız bunun için sevseydim seni.

Cemal Süreya

PARK

Öyle sevdim ki seni
Öylesine sensin ki!
Kuşlar gibi cıvıldar
Tattırdığın acılar.






Cemal SÜREYA

Episode 3

I just want to drive. I just want to be in my car and drive into the night. I want momentarily to "get out" of my "confinement". Just drive around.

Think... Think that everyone is the same. At every level. It is just the same things day in day out, it is just to accept these as they are and try to change yourself, or not...

I have a beautiful car. I could almost just sit in it. Peace and Quiet.   

Turgut Uyar ve Timur Selcuk su an...

Yuvamı çiçekledim, sen bir meleksin diye,
Yollarını bekledim görüneceksin diye.
Senin için kandiller tutuştu kendisinden,
Resmine sürme çektim kandillerin isinden.

Saksıda incilendi yapraklar senin için,
Söylendi gelmez diye uzaklar senin için.

==================================

Bir adam bir kadının kapısını vurdu 
Kısacık bir akşam 

Neyi söylesem bir kahramanlıktı 
İçinde azıcık buluştuğumuz 
Bir bulutla bir kağıt peçete arasında 
Kısacık yoğun bir akşam 
Şaşırdım hüznümü nerelere bıraksam 
Bir yanda kasıklarımın sarsılmaz gücü ve 
Kısacık yoğun bir akşam

Planning

So it is almost here. I will put it down:

3 Oct, Daniel, 9:30 PM 

5 Oct, Bluenote, 10:30 PM

9 Oct, Broadway, 8:00 PM

10 Oct, Eleven Madison, 12:15 PM

Sometimes I feel like I am carrying a very big load on my shoulders. Very very large. (larger than my butt even ;)

I see now that this is not directly related to my life situation either. Of course, some elements do have an affect on mood. But this is not it. This is outright depression. I don't think that it would have been possible to identify this "condition" if it was not already labeled. I don't think this type of mood swing, which is still subtle, can be identified by the person herself. But now that we do know of this, I can only attribute my temporary condition as depression.

Now that I have self diagnosed, I need to work on ways of relief for myself (thinking of the sanity of others around me).

• The only way I am aware about, I have to admit, is exercise. As per wiki however:

Clinical trials involving subjects with major depressive disorder suggest a modest short-term improvement in mood from exercise. Several studies have shown that exercise is equally effective as medication and more effective than a placebo, though medication provides more immediate relief from severe depression.^[99][100] The evidence for any long-term improvement in major depression is poor

The other major problem with exercise is that when one is already depressed, one finds it infinitely hard to actually do it. 

 

• Another interesting point that I have come across is the following:

 Stopping smoking cigarettes is associated with reduced depression and anxiety, with the effect "equal or larger than" those of antidepressant treatments

• From the layman of internet comes another interesting suggestion. I may actually use this one:

It might help to do something, anything, that will get you outside of yourself and your self-defeating thoughts, such as household projects, art projects, low-key socializing. 

Tastybrains, I'd been fighting low-grade depression for eighteen months, and have only recently gotten past it. How? I hit upon some sort of purpose. That is, I found something I loved to do, set some goals, and have now focused my life around this activity. It has worked wonders. It's amazing. 

With this argumentation, I will buy a PS4.

Episode 2

It went on for a very long time. He was pretty much done when I came to. He dozed instantly, I had a beer and read some:

http://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/i-sing-body-electric