Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
before bedtime
i have such a long TODO list, i need help. like, lots of help.
and god i am tired.
and god i am finding dream jobs.
and everything aches, the gym side-effect has never kicked in so quickly. is it because i am almost 30?
and i really need K tonight and he is far away
and god i am tired.
and god i am finding dream jobs.
and everything aches, the gym side-effect has never kicked in so quickly. is it because i am almost 30?
and i really need K tonight and he is far away
Monday, April 20, 2009
What did I do today?
- Reformatted my cv: added photo, added links to publications, changed colors a little
- Started writing a potential cover letter to docomo
- Wrote back and forth with my contact at docomo
- Applied to Birmingham
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Shall I stop swimming against the flow?
So, what shall I do? Shall I stop fighting and crying and then fighting again?
I really feel very cornered. My eyes drift away from the screen to the cigarette package on the table. My mind pushes it back. I think about New York, about beaches of South Florida, I think about my lovely husband. I think about my life of 29 years, lived so protected, so unrealistically soft. I think about Europe, its plazas, its museums, its values. Then I think about the States. I judge it. My mind twists and rolls.
I will come out and say it. I regret it. I should have never done a ph.d. Yet I do not say I wish I had done something else. I could not have done anything else at the time. There was not any exciting possibilities, any real challenges except what I chose. There was no other way out of Turkey for me.
I look at the cigarettes again. (I can decrease it to one a day perhaps. )
I feel torn.
I really feel very cornered. My eyes drift away from the screen to the cigarette package on the table. My mind pushes it back. I think about New York, about beaches of South Florida, I think about my lovely husband. I think about my life of 29 years, lived so protected, so unrealistically soft. I think about Europe, its plazas, its museums, its values. Then I think about the States. I judge it. My mind twists and rolls.
I will come out and say it. I regret it. I should have never done a ph.d. Yet I do not say I wish I had done something else. I could not have done anything else at the time. There was not any exciting possibilities, any real challenges except what I chose. There was no other way out of Turkey for me.
I look at the cigarettes again. (I can decrease it to one a day perhaps. )
I feel torn.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Eski Asklar
Eskisi gibi asklar yok simdi. Eger eskiden vardiysalar. Emel Sayin Munir Nurettin'e cover yapmis. Onu dinliyorum simdi. (Olmamis, o tok ses yakisiyor bu sarkilara) Hatirla maziyi mesudu, sen de benim gibi yan. Unutmadim seni ömrunce bir dakika inan Olabilir mi böyle bir sey? Acaba cok orta yasli olunca mi anlayacagiz bunu? Gruba bakinca birilerini aniyoruz da, bir dakika unutmadigimiz var mi?
Thursday, April 9, 2009
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